The Journey to Self-Worth

What is confidence? What is it often confused with? How do we differentiate between genuine self-worth and the superficial facades we often mistake for confidence? These questions haunted me as I embarked on a journey to understand the true essence of self-love and confidence. After working with women for a decade, I’ve learned that the answers lie deeper than the surface-level affirmations and validations we often seek.

At this stage in my life, I had the privilege of working with numerous women, each on their own unique path. One common theme emerged: a deep-seated craving to feel beautiful, loved, appreciated, celebrated, understood, listened to, heard, and seen. Essentially, it boiled down to a longing for self-love and self-worth. Many women believed that external validation—signs of affection, words of appreciation, gifts, and acts of service—was the key to feeling complete.

From a young age, society and fairy tales indoctrinate women with the notion that Prince Charming will come and make them whole. This pervasive belief implies that women are incomplete without a partner. The problem with this narrative is that it ignores the reality that we are all complete human beings. We do not need another person to complete us. When women seek completion from external sources, they often miss out on the profound fulfillment that comes from recognizing their own inherent worth.

Throughout their lives, many women strive to earn love through people-pleasing, validation, and recognition. They seek approval through good grades, successful careers, and roles as dutiful wives and mothers. This pursuit of external validation is exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling. Love is not something to be earned; it simply is. It is either given to oneself or it remains elusive.

Women often wait for validation from others to feel enough, mistaking this external approval for confidence. They equate self-love with the ability to confidently show off their bodies or speak their truth. However, what they truly seek is the freedom to live authentically, without the need to conform to societal expectations.

This longing for authenticity often stems from childhood, where they were taught to be “good girls” to deserve love, attention, and recognition. Toxic relationships can also perpetuate this belief, making them feel they need to earn love. I’ve heard countless stories from women who have been told that if they just get good grades, earn enough money, or find the right partner, they will be enough. One woman shared how she had always tried to fit in, like a square peg in a round hole, believing that molding herself to others’ expectations would bring her the love and approval she craved.

True confidence is often misunderstood. It is not an inherent trait but a muscle that strengthens through facing fears and overcoming challenges. Confidence is a learned skill, developed through repeated experiences of success. It is the belief in one’s ability to complete a project or speak publicly, built on a foundation of practice and accomplishment. When I first started public speaking, I was terrified. But each time I faced my fear and spoke in front of an audience, my confidence grew.

However, many women use the word “confidence” when they really mean validation, self-love, and self-worth. True self-worth means feeling worthy of oneself. It involves filling oneself with self-love, establishing boundaries, embracing authenticity, and finding joy within. This inner fulfillment cannot be given by others; it must come from within.

The challenge lies in the societal programming that teaches women to seek validation externally. This mission is ultimately impossible. No one else can fill you with the sense of self-worth that only you can provide. The main work, therefore, becomes learning to fill your inner self with more self, reaching a state of overflowing joy and bliss.

Consider the story of another client who always tried to fit in, feeling like a dark horse in a world where she wanted to be a unicorn. She had been conditioned to believe that she needed to dull her unique sparkle to be accepted. It wasn’t until she embraced her individuality that she began to feel truly confident and worthy.

Starting with the word “confidence,” I discovered that what women are truly seeking is a deep connection with their own self-worth. This journey is about more than just feeling confident; it is about reclaiming one’s self-value, which only comes from within.

No matter how much you feel lost in life, it is never too late to return to yourself. We are multifaceted and ever-evolving. We don’t find ourselves; we continually reinvent ourselves at every stage of life. If you feel lost now, see it as an opportunity to create a new version of yourself. Decide on the qualities, values, and people that will shape this new version. Reject the old stories and create a new identity that aligns with your true self.

You have the power to reinvent yourself into anything you desire. Decide where you want to live, the people you want to surround yourself with, and the values you want to uphold. Choose authenticity and speak your truth, regardless of others’ opinions.

Stop trying to fit into societal molds. Embrace your uniqueness. The world needs your voice, your colors, and your stand. The true version of you that you came here to be is the gift the world needs.

Many people struggle with low self-esteem because they do not feel worthy. They feel small and insignificant, believing they will never be enough. This belief is a lie. You are more than enough. You are worthy, not because of what you do or achieve, but because of who you are. Embrace this truth, and let it transform your life.

And so, the journey to self-worth continues. It is a path of self-discovery, reinvention, and unwavering authenticity. Remember, you are the only one who can fill yourself with the love and validation you seek. Embrace your true self, and let your light shine brightly in the world.