The Art of Confidence. Confidence Formula

Imagine you’re about to learn how to drive a Ferrari. But before you can handle such a powerful car, you must first master the basics of driving. This is the essence of a confidence mindset. Just like driving, confidence has foundational elements that need to be understood and developed. There are three main components to self-confidence: self-esteem, optimism, and action. These three pillars support your confidence, and without them, true confidence cannot be achieved.

There are three components to self-confidence: self-esteem, optimism, and action.

These are the three pillars that hold up your confidence, and without all three, your confidence is not fully achieved.

## Self-Esteem: The Foundation of Success

Self-Esteem Sometimes referred to as self-worth or self-respect, self-esteem is a determining factor in being successful in life. If you don’t have good self-esteem, you will always feel defeated. If you have low self-esteem, you feel that the whole world is against you and that you can never do anything right.

People with low self-esteem are more likely to become depressed and often fall into cycles of being victims of abusive behavior. People will treat us as we allow them to. If you remain silent against abuse, the abuser will continue. Your silence communicates permission to continue the abuse.

When you allow negative behaviors, it’s a sign of low self-esteem. Silent acceptance of abuse communicates permission to the abuser to continue their harmful actions. People with low self-esteem often have low self-worth, making them susceptible to exploitation.

People with low self-esteem have low self-worth and tend to accept negative behaviors because they don’t perceive their own worth highly. As a result, others may take advantage of them.

It is important to have high self-esteem to avoid such low-value behaviors. However, having excessively high self-esteem can lead to narcissistic behavior, which can hinder forming good relationships and finding fulfillment in life. Therefore, it’s crucial to maintain a realistic and positive outlook on ourselves, avoiding extremes.

To build high self-esteem, one must balance self-respect with humility. It’s about finding a realistic and positive view of you.

### Factors Affecting Self-Esteem

Several factors influence self-esteem, including genetics, age, health, life experiences, and social standing.

Your self-esteem depends on several factors:

• Genetics: Genetics play the least important role. Self-esteem is more of a nurtured and learned quality than an acquired one.

• Age: As women age, they may become more cynical due to life experiences. Additionally, if a woman prioritizes her looks, she may become more cynical as she ages and her beauty fades.

• Health: Health impacts self-esteem. Being unhealthy or having a disease can lower self-esteem.

• Life Experiences: Privileged life experiences generally lead to higher self-esteem compared to disadvantaged life experiences.

• Social Standing: Lower societal standing often correlates with lower self-esteem. For instance, if you had a disfigurement, people might not want to sit next to you due to a psychological response to non-desirability, which can further impact your self-esteem.

It’s essential to reflect on how these factors have influenced your self-esteem. The good news is that you have the power to change these circumstances and improve your self-esteem.

Time for self-assessment: How have these circumstances affected your self-esteem? Consider your life experiences, social circumstances, and appearance.

The good news is that you have the power to change these circumstances and improve your self-esteem.

## Optimism: A Powerful Tool

**Optimism**

Optimism has helped me personally handle many difficult life situations. I got it from my mother, literally. I watched her response and her guidance through tough situations in an optimistic way, and I’ve learned to look at things from a completely different perspective.

**Learned Optimism**

Optimism is about your point of view. You have a choice to see things from a negative perspective or a positive perspective. Each day, multiple times a day, we make choices based on our previous life experiences.

There has been a study done with dogs where they placed dogs in two boxes and shocked them. In one box, the dog was able to escape because there was an opening. In the second box, the dog could not escape because there was no opening. Later, they put the same dogs into both open boxes and shocked them. The dog that learned to escape the first time did so again.

The dog that learned to escape the pain the first time around escaped the pain the second time. The dog that did not have a way to escape the pain decided to stay in the box and suffer through the pain.

**The Side Effects of Learned Pessimism or Optimism**

A pessimist is a person who has a negative outlook on life. Pessimists get more depressed in life. They hate life, get ill more, and have higher rates of heart disease and cancer. How do you think this affects your hormones? Your hormones affect your body.

Optimists are high achievers and tend to be healthier overall. When you’re an optimist, you enjoy the fruits of life and live longer.

**Three Ways Pessimists and Optimists Look at Things**

1. **Permanent Mindset**:

– Optimists say, “One day things will change; it’s not always going to be like this.”

– Pessimists say, “This is just the way it is, and I have to accept it.”

2. **Pervasive Explanation**:

– Pessimists say, “I suck, and that’s just the way it is.”

– Optimists say, “Maybe the timing was off.”

3. **Personal Responsibility**:

– Pessimists always blame themselves: “It’s me; it’s my fault.”

– Optimists look at external factors: “It was this person who created the situation, and if things were different, it would’ve unfolded differently. Next time will be better.”

Some people lack the intuition and maturity to understand when optimism is forced and when they need a reality check. This often happens when people are out of touch with their inner guidance and are living life following someone else’s advice without checking in with themselves. Forced optimism can lead to ignoring important lessons from situations. It’s crucial to learn from mistakes and check in with your inner guidance while maintaining a sense of reality to improve.

Another important point: don’t confuse optimism with naivety. They are two completely different things. For example, if you believe your partner is going to change despite continuous infidelity and you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt, that’s naivety, not optimism. People don’t change easily, and it often goes downhill from there.

## Action: Turning Belief into Reality

**The Third Important Component to Confidence: Action

Believing in your self-worth and having an optimistic outlook is vital, but without action, these beliefs remain theoretical. Confidence requires practice and real-life application. Knowing theories and not acting on them is futile. Action separates high achievers from the rest.

Now that you genuinely believe in your value, self-worth, and self-esteem, and have an optimistic outlook on life, you must put this into practice. This step cannot be skipped because it is the final piece that makes you confident.

When people say they know this stuff but don’t act on it, it’s not enough. A lot of us know the theory but don’t put it into practice. What separates the top 1% from the rest is that these individuals put their theory into daily active action. Many go through life saying they should act but don’t take any action.

A lot of people have information overload but don’t achieve the results they seek because they miss the crucial action piece. There is a difference between knowing a lot of things and living that knowledge.

Practice makes perfect. Every moment is an opportunity to practice confidence.

Just because one attempt fails doesn’t mean you should stop trying. If one guinea pig dies, you get another and continue your experiments. Similarly, if things don’t work out with one person, you continue practicing confidence with another.

No one is born confident. Confidence can be developed and worked on. Being confident on the outside can only get you so far; this is where most people operate from. An average person might look confident but isn’t truly confident inside.

The key is not to “fake it till you make it” but to work on it until you become it. The more effort you put into this area, the more genuinely confident you become.

For example, training for a marathon requires not just understanding the theory but actively running, practicing, and building endurance. Similarly, building confidence involves continuous practice and real-life application.

## Practical Tips for Building Confidence

1. **Practice makes perfect**: Treat every moment as an opportunity to build confidence.

2. **Resilience**: Don’t give up after failures. Learn from them and keep trying.

3. **Be realistic**: Work on genuine confidence, not just outward appearances.

4. **Embrace silence**: Sometimes, confidence is about knowing when to be quiet and listen.

### There is Power in Silence

Hard truth: confidence does depend on your appearance. People who are perceived as unattractive often receive less positive reinforcement and feedback, which can affect their confidence. Being good on the inside isn’t always enough for everyone to love you. If you are good on the inside but perceived as unattractive on the outside, people may avoid sitting next to you.

### Improving Confidence Through Appearance

When improving confidence in a feminine way, enhancing your appearance can change how people respond to you. You cannot fake femininity. For example, if you appear feminine but your hands smell like onions from cooking, it may cause an adverse reaction from someone trying to kiss your hand.

It is challenging to maintain femininity while being a mother or running a six-figure business. It requires proper planning and time allocation. Being feminine means dedicating time and attention to yourself—your nails, hair, physical appearance, and body. If you focus all your time on other areas, your femininity level struggles.

### First Impressions and Cognitive Bias

First impressions are crucial. Cognitive bias means people form opinions based on limited information, often in less than six seconds. From a photograph, you can tell if a person is confident based on their attire, body language, and posture.

Picture a girl is sitting with closed arms, wearing sneakers, and has a resting bitch face, appearing unapproachable and closed off. The cure for a resting bitch face is a smile. Smiling makes you approachable. Heels can make you appear more feminine, and good posture enhances this impression.

### The Halo Effect

The halo effect means the impression you create sticks. For example, if a girl arrives late for an interview, she appears messy and unprepared. Even if she arrives early for subsequent interviews, the negative first impression may linger.

Pre-framing is when someone tells you that Henry is charming and caring before you meet him. When you meet Henry and he is cold, you might still look for signs that confirm the positive description because of your preconception.

### Managing Your Social Media and Reputation

Your social media presence affects how people perceive you. If your profile pictures show you with a resting bitch face, people may form a negative impression. Balance smiling photos with other types of images. Genuine smiles, where your eyes squint and your mouth turns up slowly, communicate friendliness and approachability.

### Positive Self-Talk and Self-Advocacy

What you say to yourself matters. Positive self-talk influences your beliefs and actions. Avoid being your worst critic and become your own brand ambassador. Treat yourself as your best friend, advocating for yourself and respecting yourself fully. This will positively impact how others treat you.

### The Gift and Art of Telling Stories

Telling stories helps you connect with others and makes you memorable. Instead of listing skills in an interview, tell a story that showcases those skills. Stories are engaging and help people remember you.

### Building Self-Esteem and Surrounding Yourself with Positivity

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Assess your social circle and identify who adds value and who detracts from it. Set standards for your friendships and relationships, ensuring they align with your self-worth.

### External Confidence and Body Language

Your physical posture affects how confident you appear. Keep your chin up, shoulders back, and chest lifted. A genuine smile, eye contact, and open body language signal approachability and confidence.

### Authenticity and Femininity

Everything you do should come from a place of genuineness. Connect with others authentically, making eye contact and smiling genuinely. Practice deep gazing to form a deeper connection once you’ve established rapport.

### Maintaining Femininity and Appearance

Prioritize your appearance for yourself, not others. Dressing well and taking care of yourself boosts your confidence and affects how you feel. Challenge yourself to dress up and look your best regularly, even if you’re not going anywhere.

### Developing a Healthy Relationship with Your Flaws and Assets

Create a list of your best attributes and what people compliment you on. Understand your strengths and how others perceive you. Have a vision of your best self and work towards it, ensuring your online and offline presence aligns with your goals.

### Confidence in Skills and Going Beyond Basic

To stand out, add value beyond what is expected. Apply ambitious energy to all areas of your life and actively seek ways to contribute more.

### The Equation for Life

Thoughts multiplied by actions equals destiny. Change your thoughts and actions to change your destiny. Visualize the person you want to be and ensure your actions align with that vision.

### Conclusion

Confidence is a combination of internal beliefs, external presentation, and consistent action. By focusing on positive self-talk, improving your appearance, practicing genuine interactions, and continuously adding value, you can enhance your confidence and overall quality of life.

##  The Power of Positive Self-Talk and Support

Positive self-talk reinforces confidence. Speak kindly to yourself and believe in your worth. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you. Your social circle significantly impacts your confidence and self-esteem.

### Homework: Building Self-Esteem

1. **List your strengths**: Write out why you are amazing and review this list regularly.

2. **Positive self-talk**: Correct negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.

3. **Surround yourself with positivity**: Evaluate your social circle and seek out supportive relationships.

Confidence is a journey, not a destination. By understanding and nurturing the components of confidence—self-esteem, optimism, and action—you can develop a deep, genuine confidence that empowers you in every aspect of life.